The memories I have of Autumn are full of vibrant colors, and laughter. In my childhood this time of year was the time to decorate and visit haunted houses and get free candy. Autumn marked the ending of the summer, which was sad, but also the beginning of the holiday season, with so much to look forward to.
Now, Autumn leaves and their beauty and the smell of Autumn in the air always makes me nostalgic and a little sad. All that it marks now is the beginning of the bitter cold, which is scary now, unlike it seemed as a child. Back then, the snow was beautiful and full of wonders and fun.
But back then, I always knew I had somewhere warm and safe to go back to.

I used to just get scared. Now, having to face the unknown is frequent and the results are more often than not quite unpleasant. I just go with it, because mostly I can't change things. It's part of what must happen to me, I suppose. And I can't just hole myself up in a corner and hope that nothing changes. I know one day the unknown will be something happy and amazing. So with that hope, I continue moving forward.

I have no home. I'm technically homeless currently.

What does home mean?

    A home could be the place someone lives. So a home could be a house, a prison, a concentration camp. Home could be a bench on Hollywood Boulevard, an abandoned warehouse, or a box on a street corner. Home could be a sewer, or a muddy hole in the middle of a war zone. And what about frequent travelers? Is their home in all the places they sleep and eat? Is their home the journey itself or the destination? What about a pilgrim? Is the pilgrimage home, or is home the holy site?
    A home is usually viewed as the place someone comes from, but what does that mean? The place someone was born? The place someone grew up? The DNA of a person’s parents? Can a person’s home change, or is it something they’ll never escape? Does everyone have a home? If home is not a place, but an idea, what sort of idea is it, and can one ever truly be there? They say home is where the heart is- but what does that mean? If one’s heart is in turmoil or despair, is that home?
    No, no, home is not something magical and warm. Home can be lonely and cold and trapped in a blizzard. Home breathes winter nights, thunders maelstroms, crashes lightning rods. How can someone escape a nightmare-home? The children dying slow deaths of AIDS in Africa, surrounded by violence, stained with blood. Veiled women locked in silence by the oppressive Taliban. Home can be a place of violence and fear. Loneliness and sorrow. An empty place filled with strangers who look past you and never really see you. A place of turmoil. A home is glass shattering, breaking, crashing. Snapping like bone. The abode of fear, terror. A place so thick with tension it’s hard to even breathe. Home is a burden to bear, a secret to hide. From everyone. Forever.

Everyone can be redeemed. I believe this, but it's definitely hard for me. I would like to believe that the world is a happy place filled with generally good people, but the reality is far from that.
People wound, kill, maim, mutilate, molest, rape, torture, and a thousand other horrible things. It's sad and violent and not fair.
And yet I try to maintain that everyone has the potential to grow and change, no matter what they have done.
It's definitely the most difficult belief I have. I rarely meet someone who agrees with me on the subject.
And it's actually the opposition's stance that makes it easier to believe this. People generally respond with anger and the need for violence on subjects such as murder or rape. And that makes me sad, and I realize that reacting to violence with violence can never save the world.

Why do people hurt other people? I don't understand. Why can't we just live in harmony and peace? What makes people commit violent acts against others?
I don't think I will ever understand it.

Despite everything, there will always be beauty. There will always be the resilient ones who do not let the terrible things consume them, who stand up peacefully and show the world that there is so much worth living for.